Justin Bieber Earns So Much Money That He’s Very Likely To Lose His Mind

Thanks to you screaming banshees who throw every penny you can get your hands on the way of this gyrating baby (not unlike the stupid animation that littered the already rubbish Ally McBeal), Bieber has become so wealthy that it’ll probably guarantee us one mental popstar to write about in the future.

Money leads to madness, see?

So how much money are we talking about here? Well, this gurgling little prick earns $300,000 per performance. Get that? While you’re waiting on tables or washing greasy pots for a paltry sum which makes you want to cry forever, Bieber is fannying about with his little autotuned voice and raking in the bucks.

No wonder you gold-diggers love him with all your greedy little hearts.

This makes Bieber the richest teenager in the world, earning three times more than his friend Selena Gomez who performs for $100,000 each stint.

When asked about Bieber, Gomez has said:

“He’s just not cool. I get it – when he has his swag on, he’s definitely cool, he’s got it going on – but when he doesn’t, he’s just funny.”

Funny like an incredibly wealthy film-star monkey or something. Like that Marcel from Friends. That’s what Justin Bieber is. We can only wonder how much the organ grinder makes when they take their cut.

Anyway, with all this money, we genuinely look forward to Bieber going nuts and spiralling wildly out of control and biting the hand that feeds him. Patience ladies. Give him 10 years and, when his star has waned, he’ll be gagging to have sex with you.